Happy Tuesday,
You might need to pour another cup before reading this one. You’ve been warned!
✌🏻 and more ☕️ ,
Glenn || PATREON / BUY ME A COFFEE
I'm reading a book by Dr. Daniel Siegel called "Aware" and it's subtitled, "The Science and Practice of Presence". The book is about not only how to be mindful and present in the small and big moments throughout the course of our days, but the science behind it - how the brain works, the health benefits of mindfulness, etc.
I admit that it's way over my head, HA! , but I enjoy it anyways.
He has this one section where he says to envision a tripod stand with a camera on top. The camera on top represents what he calls "MINDSIGHT" and the 3 legs of the tripod stand represent, (1) OPENNESS, (2) OBSERVATION, and (3) OBJECTIVITY.
MINDSIGHT, he says, is a term for both how we see our minds and how we see the minds of others, and for our ability to honor our differences while also being connected to the other person.
That's a lot.
At the heart of it, though, mindsight is this - it refers to our ability to truly "see" the person in front of us.
Mindsight - that's the camera on top of the tripod stand; and so in order for us to be able to truly see the person in front of us and to be able to better sense the energy that's coming off of them, we need to have a healthy base of OPENNESS, OBSERVATION, and OBJECTIVITY to stand on.
In other words, our ability to ...
Truly see.
Be present with.
And connected to.
... The person in front of us will only be as strong as our ability to remain OPEN, to OBSERVE, and to remain OBJECTIVE in the moments we are with them.
With me so far?
OPENNESS, he says, refers to "remaining open to whatever arises and letting go of expectations and being more receptive to and accepting what is actually occurring in the moment."
This is the opposite of the way I'm wired. How about you? I can't stand when something doesn't go according to "plan" and as soon as a plan goes awry or the day flies off the hinges and the carefully laid out schedule I had for the day goes zooming into a volcano of madness ... my mind closes up and goes into overdrive in an effort to figure out how to get it back on track.
The result?
Panic sets in.
My anxiety rises.
AND.
I disconnect from everyone around me.
Sometimes in the morning I have a "plan" to get some work done and so I'll get up early to do a few things. I make a plan the night before, get up, make my coffee, and begin to work the plan. But then sometimes Jordan will wake up early and so she'll call me and immediately I can feel the plan slipping through my fingers as my mind goes into overdrive to reshuffle the rest of the minutes I have before everyone comes downstairs ... my mind tries to figure out what I can still get done in the little bit of time I have left. As a result, I'm I disconnect from Jordan. Right? I'm with her, but my mind is downstairs trying to figure out a new plan.
OBSERVATION is "the capacity to distance ourselves a bit from the experience, to take note of the contours of all that is unfolding without becoming flooded by it."
A lot of times during the day it's easy to go on autopilot, isn't it? Sometimes we do the same sorts of things every day and so our minds can kind of go to sleep as our body takes over and relies on muscle memory to do the tasks in front of us.
It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it can become something that can easily hinder our mindsight or our ability to connect with the people around us.
This happens to me all the time, honestly. Sometimes when I play with Jordan, autopilot kicks in. We'll be playing dolls or something and although I'm there and I'm playing with her ... my mind is somewhere else, and I'm not really very aware of the details of our playtime.
The dolls are having the same conversations they had yesterday.
We're building the same castle we built yesterday.
Etc.
Etc.
Etc.
I'm enjoying my time with her, of course, but my brain knows we did this yesterday and the day before and so it can rely on the memory of those moments to create the present moment.
The result? Again, I'm disconnected from her - I'm with her, we're playing, I'm there ... but I'm not there.
Observation requires me to grab a hold of my mind and intentionally observe ...
The way the dolls feel in my hand.
The color of their hair.
The tone of the Jordan's giggles.
The sparkle in her eye as we play.
In other words, it takes our mind off of autopilot and yanks it into the present moment, forcing it to become aware and to connect to the situation that we're in and the people that we're in it with.
OBJECTIVITY is about "sensing that the knowns of our experience are merely objects in our mind and not the totality of our identity or necessarily equivalent to reality."
In other words, life happens, things happen, good times come and go, bad times come and go. Objectivity is about realizing that good things will happen throughout the course of the day along with not so good things and realizing that those good or bad things aren't dictators or our reality, they don't make our lives good or bad ... they are just things that come into our worlds every day just as they make their way into the worlds of others.
I am ME regardless of what happens to me.
If Jordan knocks her soup off the table and onto the floor, the day isn't ruined. I'm not a "bad father" for not being more attentive, she's not a "bad kid" for not being more careful. If we're playing outside and she trips and scrapes her knee on the driveway, she's not clumsy and I'm not a bad father for not telling her it might be good to slow down.
These things just happen. Jordan is Jordan and I'm Daddy ... and sometimes we have things that come into our time together than make us laugh, sometimes we have things that frustrate us, and sometimes we have things that make us sad.
They are what they are, they come and they go.
These 3 things together - OPENNESS, OBSERVATION, and OBJECTIVITY can help make us more connected to the people around us and more aware of and present in the few precious moments we have in this life.
So I'm wondering today ...
Which of those 3 pieces of the tripod stand is most difficult for you?
Which one do you need to work on the most in an effort to be more connected your family, your friends, and those that that the universe will bring your way today?
Which leg of the tripod stand is the most wobbly?