Happy Saturday Friends,
Yesterday I told you about how it feels like my former tribe of Evangelicals didn’t really love me for me, but more so loved what I used to believe and teach.
Today I wanted to tell you that I forgive them.
Enjoy the weekend,
Glenn || PATREON / BUY ME A COFFEE
I wonder what Mark was calling his readers to confess?
In Mark 1:4-5 the writer of Mark says that, "John the baptizer appeared in the wilderness, proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins."
A few days ago I mentioned some of the background and context of Mark's Gospel that I've learned from Alexander John Shaia and his work in his book, "Radical Transformation". You can go back and re-read it, but real quick Mark's Gospel was a letter of sorts that was written to a small sect of Messianic Jews who had been blamed for starting a fire that burned Rome to the ground in 64AD.
As the story goes ...
Nero was the emperor and since rumor around the city was that HE started the fire in an effort to push through his plans to renovate the city, he was about to pin the blame on the Jews. As he was scheming and planning, though, someone came to him and tipped him off that the larger Jewish community was NOT responsible for the fire, but that the small sect of Jewish Christians WERE responsible. They weren't, of course, but a mini-genocide soon followed where Messianic Jews were executed in the streets and lit on fire to be used as human torches.
It was to these people that the writer of Mark was addressing his letter - to remind them of the life of Jesus The Christ and encourage them as they picked up the pieces of their broken lives.
And so when Mark paints this picture of John calling people into the wilderness to "repent" and be "forgiven" of their sins ... I wonder why he included this in his letter?
Right?
Like ...
What did those Messianic Jews need to "confess"?
What did they need to "repent" of or turn from?
What did they need "forgiveness" for?
WHY was any of this important for them?
The context of the book is super important because once we know that the original readers of this letter were used as scapegoats and were blamed for starting the fire that burned the city to the ground, we begin to realize that they were quite literally shunned by the larger Jewish community.
Right?
The Jews didn't go to bat for their Messianic Jewish brothers and sisters. They didn't say, "hey, they're innocent. Nobody here is to blame for the fire." Instead, they stood by and watched as Nero's soldiers dragged them into the streets and executed them. Why? Because they feared for their lives and were grateful that at least someone else other than them were taking the brunt of the Emperor's anger and wrath.
So the readers of Mark's Gospel (the Messianic Jews) were shunned by the their own community and I imagine that, as a result, they also carried a lot of shame, a lot of disappointment, and a whole lot of anger ... right?
Shame because they could do nothing to protect themselves, their families, their friends.
Shame because they were forced (at sword-point) to turn on their friends, to turn in other Messianic Jewish families.
Shame because everything they had built in terms of their small sect of Judaism was being destroyed.
Shame because they wondered if maybe this could have all been avoided if they would have done something different?
Disappointment because everything was falling apart.
Anger because ... I mean, who wouldn't be ticked off? Not even so much at Nero and the Soldiers, but more so at the larger Jewish Community that stood by and did nothing as they watched innocent people that they claimed to love be dragged into the street, executed, and lit on fire.
Alexander says that the recipients of Mark's letter "harbored terrible feelings of disappointment and anger that ate at their inner lives and contaminated all of their relationships."
These are the "sins", Alexander says, that Mark was calling his readers to confess and to turn from. He was, in a way, taking them by the hand and reminding them that the best way to release their pain and move forward was to begin the process of forgiveness ...
To forgive themselves - they lost everything, but it wasn't their fault.
AND.
To forgive their larger Jewish community - they stood by and did nothing not so much because they didn't care, but because they were afraid for their lives ... and fear makes us to insane things that we later wish we could take back.
Yesterday I wrote about how I felt shunned and shamed and outcasted by my former community of Evangelicals. Although I can never relate to the pain that the Messianic Jews experienced in 64AD, I can relate to the feeling of being thrown to the wolves by people who once claimed to love and support me.
I get what it feels like to be abandoned by people who said they loved you.
I get what it feels like to be thrown away by people who once welcomed you as part of the community.
I get what it feels like to be kicked to the side by people who once appreciated you.
AND.
I get what it feels like to carry shame that comes along with being kicked out - "maybe I did something wrong? Maybe I could have done something different? Maybe I am to blame? Maybe the problem is with me and not them?"
I get what it feels like to be angry - "how could they do this to me? They all claim to be full of God's love and yet this is how they treat one of their own? They can go ..."
... Yes, the situations are drastically different, but I get those feelings ... I get the feelings of shame and anger, and I get how those feelings have the power to infiltrate my heart and contaminate all of my relationships because those feelings, really, carry with them a toxic poison that becomes a lens through which I begin to view everything and everyone in my life.
About a year ago the Spirit called me into the wilderness of my heart and said it was time to forgive myself (for I did nothing wrong) and to forgive my former tribe, because (really) they are just acting out of fear concerning something they don't understand and fear, as was true in 64AD, makes people do insane things that they later wish they could take back.
It has been a process, but I can honestly say that today in November of 2021 ...
I forgive myself because I did nothing wrong.
AND.
I forgive my former tribe because I realize they are just acting out of fear ...
Fear that comes from not understanding me.
Fear that comes from seeing someone act as the individual they aren't permitted to be within their system.
Fear that comes from hearing legitimate questions about their set in stone beliefs.
Fear that comes from worrying that their own strong tower of faith could one day come toppling down.
... Fear.
A key part of deconstruction, friends, is forgiveness. We must ask the Spirit to bring us to a place where we forgive ourselves because we did nothing wrong and also forgive our former tribe because as cruel and nasty and heartless as their words have been ... they are just afraid.
AND.
This is key.
Forgiveness doesn't always equal the restoration of a relationship. Right? That's key. When you forgive your former tribe, there's no need to restore relationships and become good friends with everyone or anyone ever again (I have no desire to spend as much as a second of my time with them); instead, forgiveness allows you to release them from how they acted out of fear and, thus, release yourself to be fully alive in your deconstruction and reconstruction journey.