Hello Friends,
Next month Iām turning 40, which seems like a big number and yet also feels like Iām just getting started.
Here are some thoughts!
Have a great day,
Glenn || PATREON / BUY ME A COFFEE
I'm approaching 40 years old.
Forty.
ME.
I was born in 1982 and sometimes it still feels like 1990 was 10 years ago and the Yankees beat the Mets in the 2000 World Series ... last year.
Time flies, doesn't it?
I'll be 40 on January 25, 2022 and as I approach what feels like a really big number, I'm doing a lot of reflecting on the past 40 years and wondering about the next (hopefully) 40 years.
I've been thinking about my high school years.
Thinking about college.
Seminary.
Internships.
The nights I laid awake worried about things that never happened.
The times I was sideswiped by things that I wasn't expecting to happen.
The ups.
The downs.
The highs.
The lows.
Over the last 40 years I've experienced both incredible moments and tragic losses, and I've grown immensely through it all. I'm proud to say that I'm not the same person I was 30 years ago, 20 years ago, 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago.
I've grown.
I've evolved.
I've grown comfortable with ... me.
And perhaps that's what these last 40 years have been - a journey in becoming comfortable in my own skin, a journey in becoming comfortable with me and not really caring what anyone has to say about it.
I've always struggled with doubt. I've mentioned it before on the podcast and blog, but since I was a kid I always felt like I wasn't good enough and like I'd never amount to anything. I can remember sitting in seminary classrooms when I was a student and huge denominational meetings as a pastor, always feeling like I didn't belong ... like my voice didn't matter and I wasn't good enough to be there.
I went through a lot of therapy over the years to get to the roots of those things and I can honestly say that as I inch my way towards the big 4-0 ... for maybe the first time in my adult life, I truly like myself and am proud of who I am, who I've become, and where my life is headed.
And so as I sit at my desk this morning surrounded by mountains of books that have shaped me over the years along with obnoxiously bright Christmas lights hanging all over my desk and bookshelves, I'm asking the Spirit what the next season holds.
As I was pondering that and sipping my coffee, I came across an interesting quote from Ram Dass who said that ...
"I would like my life to be a statement of love and compassion - and where it isn't, that's where my work lies."
Yes.
I told the Spirit this morning, "this is what I want my next season to be about, how does that sound to you?"
Because honestly, I'm tired of fighting. I'll never tire of fighting for good, that's not what I mean. I'll never tire of fighting back against toxic, abusive theology and creating safe spaces for people to escape all the madness that comes when you begin to rethink your faith.
I'll always push back.
I'll always be a hornet nest kicker.
I'll always create safe spaces.
I'll always tear down walls.
I'll always build longer tables.
... That's who I am, who I've become comfortable with.
Instead, I'm tired of fighting with haters and trolls and people who obviously hate themselves much more than they hate me and the things I say, think, write about, etc.
The other day, for instance, some guy came riding in hot to my comment section on YouTube and then followed up with sending me an email. He called me all sorts of names and made all sorts of insane judgements about me and every fiber of my being wanted to unload on this guy and then something inside of me whispered ...
"Why?"
"What's the point?"
"Why not just bless him and have compassion on him BY BLOCKING HIM so that he can't waste anymore of his precious energy on you because imagine how miserable he must be with himself if he's spending so much time deflecting his hate onto you, someone he doesn't even know. If you block him he'll either go find someone else to bother or maybe he'll go hang out with his family. Blocking him is actually the most compassionate thing you can do right now. Do you realize that? Sometimes the best way to show love and express compassion is to draw a very thick and clear boundary and refuse to allow anyone to disrespect it - it shows love and compassion to the other person because you're helping them redirect their energy AND it shows love and compassion to you, because do you really need this crap in your life right now?."
Over the last 5 years or so of publicly deconstructing and publicly asking questions, expressing doubt, etc ... I've had SO MANY battles with people in the comment section where I've gotten fed up and let the person have it and ... for what?
Right?
Like, I can think of MAYBE one of those conversation that ended up taking a turn where me and the other person found some common ground ... but the other ones?
We went back for forth for 80 or so comments.
Picked up a few likes and laughs.
Threw a few GIF's at each other.
... and wasted tons of creative energy that could have been better used in doing something else. And so as I enter into another round of 40 years I want to pour less time and energy into the hateful, critical comments and more time and energy into creating things that will push back against the toxic and abusive theologies and doctrines that I'm on this planet to dismantle.
So, yeah.
I want to work on being more intentional with engaging in the fruitful conversations and bowing out of the ugly ones, while compassionately blocking the haters and cutting off the ones who refuse to view me and my work outside of their misinformed thoughts about me, my faith, my journey, etc.
Blocking.
Not answering.
Creating hard boundaries.
Demanding that those boundaries are respected.
... These are some of the most loving and compassionate things I can do for both the haters AND for myself.
"But, God", I said, "can I still screenshot mean comments and make memes out of them? It only takes me a minute and yet it brings me so much joy."
"Of course you can, the creative ways you use your sarcasm are some of my favorite things about you."
HA!
How about you? How does that Ram Dass quote strike you? Where is love and compassion lacking in your life these days? May that be where your work is today.
Much love.