Good Morning!
Here are a few thoughts I had over my cup of (pumpkin flavored!) coffee this morning. Have a wonderful day!
❤️✌🏻🤙🏻
Glenn || PATREON / BUY ME A COFFEE
I remember the first time I started to be really vocal about some of my changing beliefs was all the way back in January 2019 when I was planning a podcast series for March / April called "God's Not Mad".
I had a Moleskin notebook FILLED with ideas and was sharing some of them out via Facebook posts. I was planning to have Brian Zahnd on the show to talk about his work and his episode was going to be sandwiched in between 6 solo episodes where I would talk a bit about my own and very personal evolving thoughts concerning God, Jesus, the Cross, the "Atonement", etc.
Looking back on it, I was trying to dismantle ideas like ...
God killed Jesus to pay for my sins.
Jesus took my place on the cross.
We were all born bad or sinners.
We are all separated from God.
... because these ideas felt toxic to me and as more podcast listeners started to reach out and share their stories, I realized that so many of us were carrying around baggage from this kind of theology.
"There has to be a better way", I thought, and this series was my attempt to discover it.
Anyways, I was planning these podcasts and putting these ideas out there and I knew it was only a matter of time before somebody said something. I was a year away from completing a doctoral program at an Evangelical seminary and I was aware that some of these ideas were going to rock the boat a bit as the school wouldn't be too excited that one of their doctoral students was putting these thoughts out there.
I also had some family members who I knew would be unhappy.
Friends.
Old church members.
Even so, I kept doing it. I felt like I had to be true to myself and not worry about what anyone else thought about it.
Part 1 - If the Good News is THAT, I Don't Believe it
Part 2 - You Can't Cite Moses to Shut Jesus Up
Part 3 - Jesus Didn't Take Your Punishment
Part 4 - Brian Zahnd Says God's Not Mad
Part 5 - You Can Go to Hell (If You Want to)
Part 6 - How the Jesus I Heard About Was Different Than the Jesus I Saw
Part 7 - Honest Thoughts About the Bible
... And then one day I got a notification on my phone that a professor and friend of 20 years sent me a Facebook message. I was walking into work when I saw it and when I opened it ... it crushed me.
"Glenn, I have watched some of your recent posts with interest. What's going on with you brother? You appear to be embracing a form of Christianity that departs at least in part from orthodoxy. I live you brother. I am a bit concerned for you."
I sent him a long response sharing what I was doing, what the podcast is about, the people it's helping , etc. and almost a week went by before he responded, "OK Glenn. Good to hear from you. Give my love to Dana." ... and that was it, and the last time I ever heard from him.
A 20 year relationship.
Countless classes together.
Lots of memories.
Laughs.
Tears.
All the things ... and it all came to an end because of differences in ... "orthodoxy".
I walked into work that day feeling sad, ashamed, and full of grief. I went into a season where I really wrestled with what to do with this podcast.
Do I keep doing it?
Will these sorts of relationships keep breaking?
Will these sorts of messages keep coming?
Why is this so hard?
What am I doing?
My default narrative is "I am a bad person" because this was wired into me as a kid from various religious experiences. I saw myself as a sinner / wretch who was somehow saved by grace and that if it weren't for Jesus God wouldn't be able to stomach me in his presence. In the beginning, the podcast was my attempt to rewire that part of my brain and find a new narrative, but when I received messages like that one from people I knew and loved and trusted ... it reiterated the old narrative all the more and made it very hard for me to stay afloat.
I tell you all of this because this morning I read a quote from Brené Brown where she said that "our faith narratives must be protected, and we must remember that no person is ordained to judge our divinity or write the story of our own spiritual worthiness."
Friends, there are many people out there who are like this professor - they are in your life and they are in mine.
They silently judge you for "deconstructing".
They vocally shame you for "asking questions".
They send out subtle warnings like, "I'm concerned for you."
They talk about you behind your back.
They make you feel small.
They make you feel insignificant.
They make you feel like your questions are bad and therefore you are bad.
The reality is, though, that these people are not judge and jury over your spiritual worthiness. Perhaps for a while you saw them that way, because that's how you were taught to see them - pastors, parents, teachers, church elders, mentors, professors, Bible study leaders, Youth Pastors, etc. You were taught to view them as people who gave a temperature reading on your spirituality - "you're doing amazing" , "you could really use some work here" , etc.
It's all a lie. It's a giant lie!
Protect the new narratives about God that you are learning - you are in charge of your spirituality and your walk with the Divine. There is no person, no teacher, no authority figure who is any closer to God than you are.
And so if they don't like where you're at, how you're growing, and how you're changing ... then it might be time to wish them well and move on. You can still love them. You can forgive them. You can wish them well. You can invite them to take a seat at the Table.
BUT.
You can choose to sit on the other end. There's nothing wrong with that.
Much love to you all.
❤️✌🏻🤙🏻