Good Morning Friends,
Here are some thoughts from this morningβs coffee. Feel free to pass it along to someone who might find it helpful.
Much love,
Glenn || PATREON / BUY ME A COFFEE
When I was growing up, I always felt like I needed to be "fixed". Like there was something wrong with me. And a lot of this stemmed from being saturated with Evangelical theology, with a narrative that ingrained into my head that ...
I was born a sinner.
I was born bad.
I was born separated from God.
Before I even took my first breath, I was told, my soul was marked with a dirty, disgusting sin nature.
... And so a subtle message that I received from teachers, pastors, professors, etc. was that in order to be fixed and in order to overcome the stain on my soul, I always needed to do more.
FIRST, I needed to believe in Jesus.
SECOND, I needed to make sure I believed the RIGHT THINGS about Jesus (not just "any things" will do).
THIRD, I needed to pray daily.
FOURTH, I needed to read my Bible daily.
FIFTH, I needed to go to church weekly.
SIXTH, I needed to surround myself with Christian friends.
SEVENTH, I needed to have a mentor.
EIGHT, I needed to have someone hold me accountable.
NINTH ...
You get the idea. The list of things to do in an effort to overcome my "not-good-enough-ness" was never ending and if something on that list didn't have a checkmark next to it to indicate that it was done, then it was evident and all the more clear that I was not doing the best that I could - there was always room for more spiritual discipline to mold myself into one of the more spiritually elite of God's disciples.
As I was pondering all of that over my coffee this morning, I realized something: even though I no longer identify with that theology or that narrative, I still find it running on loop in the back of my head like an old cassette player that is jammed, playing the same thing over and over and over again.
"You should do more as a father."
"You should do more as a husband."
"You should do more as a son."
"You should do more as a friend."
"You should do more with the podcast."
"You should do more writing."
"You should do more reading."
"You should do more yard work."
"You should do more with your degrees."
The "you should's" look a little different these days (I no longer believe that I should go to church or read my Bible or 'believe in Jesus' ... much less 'the right things about Jesus'), but the motivation behind them is still the same:
If I'm not doing more.
Then I'm not doing the best that I can.
And if I'm not doing the best that I can.
Then I'm not being all that I can be.
And if I'm not being all that I can be.
Then everyone will be disappointed in me, as they should: God, Jordan, Dana, my parents, friends, podcast listeners, etc.
I came on here today to tell myself and to tell you, too, that you're doing the best you can. For the love of God, does anyone in the world really wake up and not do the very best they can with the cards they've been dealt?
We're all fighting through pain.
We're all carrying baggage.
We're all sorting through some kind of trauma.
We're all faced with things that no human should be faced with.
... And some days we may accomplish more than others while on other days we may sit on couch, eat a gallon of ice cream, and binge watch 2 Netflix series.
BUT.
The truth is that it doesn't matter because our accomplishments and checkmarks next to the items on a to-do list are not indicative of our worth.
Yes, YOU - no matter what anyone has to say about it - are doing the best you can.
β€οΈππ»βπ»π€π»
PS - and there's nothing you need to "believe" in order to get on to God's good side or earn a golden ticket to heaven. (I remind myself of that at least once an hour, every day.)