Greetings friends.
You haven’t heard from me in a while (sorry … not sorry?) because life is, well … life. Amen? 2024 started off with sickness hitting our house TWICE already - strep, sinus infections, the whole 9-yards. Jordan has been home sick for so many days this school year, kids are sick in her class all the time - these Elementary School germs are NOT to be messed with!
And I work from home, you know? I do the podcast plus I do social media stuff for Alexander John Shaia, Quoir Publishing, Bart Ehrman, and I help out a bit with my friend Leo from the Conversations Official podcast. AND. I kicked off “What If Project Media” last year and so I’m working on helping a few people with some “Social Media Packages” where I make them a series of 15-20 images for their own Social Media Platforms to help spotlight their podcast, books, or whatever.
Phew.
And so trying to keep myself organized with making images and videos and writing and editing and all the things WITH a sick 6-year old by my side for what feels like 24/7 … it’s been an exhausting start to 2024 (and 2023 ended on a similar note!).
I’ve wanted to write more, but there isn’t time.
I’ve wanted to do some Zoom hangouts with Patreon friends, but there isn’t time.
I’ve had to postpone at least 5 podcast recordings already this year.
A few nights when Jordan was sick I was up with her for most of the night.
At times I’m overwhelmed.
At times I’m at peace.
At times I just want to sleep.
Run away.
Cry.
Eat a pizza.
Meditate.
… I feel all over the place these last few months, if I’m being honest, and sometimes feel as if I’m struggling to remain afloat.
BUT.
Even so.
These moments, you know? These moments are precious, a precious adventure. In the midst of the frustration and exhaustion and desire to eat an entire pizza by myself (which I have done before, HA!) there is an immense sense of gratitude that this is my life.
AND an interesting development in the midst of it all - I’ve re-engaged my love for art this year.
Before the New Year I told myself that I wanted 2024 to be the year where I was reintroduced to my younger self, my inner child - the version of ourselves that tends to get shut away and locked away as we grow older, are told (by the world, our jobs, our parents, our teachers, our friends, society, etc.) that we need to mature, fit in, fall into a certain mold, act a certain way, behave a certain way, dress a certain way, like certain things, and work, work, work to keep up, compete, be better, and achieve that “American Dream”.
In other words, somewhere along the way (often for various reasons) we lose sight of our younger self who is (I think) the most authentic, real, and deepest version of ourselves.
The one who knows how to have fun.
The one who lives in the moments without fear of tomorrow.
The one who follows their heart.
The one who is fearless in so many ways.
And so I told Dana that for Christmas I wanted a sketchpad and some markers and colored pencils. Why? Because from about 6 years old until sometime in high school I carried a sketchpad everywhere I went because I loved to doodle and draw and sketch and create worlds of cartoons that seemed limitless in my young mind.
In fact, I loved it so much that I wanted to go to Art School and I wanted to be a cartoonist or animator for Disney. Drawing brought me so much joy and it felt like there was nothing I couldn’t accomplish with a pencil and a piece of paper.
And then there was Art Class in 9th grade - OH, that are class.
My teacher’s name was Mrs. Lutke and we were doing a segment on “Pop Art” where I was introduced to artists like Peter Max who painted beautiful worlds filled with brilliant colors and I COULD NOT get enough. I remember wishing that class would last forever as I worked for days on painting my first “Pop Art” piece.
I thought it came out great.
I thought it was amazing.
I thought it was the greatest thing I ever made.
I thought a doorway was opening before me.
(I don’t remember what it looked like at all; I do remember the feelings it evoked, though).
BUT.
When I showed it to a very important voice in my life (who was an actual artist that I looked up to) and expressed my desire to pursue this sort of art and make more of it at home on my own time.
Well.
I was met with criticism, pushback, and defeated feelings as I was told that …
My art wasn’t good enough.
Pop Art and cartoons aren’t REAL art.
My head was in the clouds.
Doing such a thing was next to impossible and making a living with it was even more impossible.
… And so at some point in high school, I got rid of the sketchpads, put the pencils and stuff away, locked it all up in a closet deep in my heart, and tried to pursue more “realistic dreams”.
Fast-forward 27 years and a sketchpad and art supplies were waiting for me under the Christmas tree this year and I was SO excited.
“I’m going to draw cartoons!”
“I’m going to do some Pop Art!”
“I’m going to create stuff again!”
But then.
I started to draw and … I don’t know … but it was so triggering to me. The voice of that important person from my childhood started yelling in my head that my art wasn’t good enough, I’m wasting my time, I should be doing something more important with my time, etc, etc, etc.
Sigh.
And so I put it all in a drawer again until last week when Jordan was home ALL WEEK with strep and she asked to draw and paint with me. We got out some supplies and I started painting and I started to hear the cries of that little boy I locked up in the closet deep in my heart.
“I want to come out and play with Jordan”, he said.
And then a week before that I recorded a podcast episode with Rob Bell who recently started an “Art Show” on his website where he paints and has fun and puts his creations up for people to see and buy. We talked on the recording about creating stuff and following our hearts and doing it all just for the sheer joy that it brings us.
(^^ episode will drop on MARCH 4).
Yeah.
I was mulling over all of that and listening to Jordan talk about how she wants to paint and draw and hearing the cries of the little boy inside and … I just went for it. I started to draw and paint ideas I remember having as a kid and all of a sudden they started to come to life on paper and I felt a warm feeling inside that I hadn’t felt in a long time.
That feeling that “this is fun”.
That feeling of “who cares if no one likes it, I do.”
That feeling of “I want to keep doing this!”
That feeling of, “I can do anything with this pencil and paint brush!”
And then my mom bought me some paint markers and pad of paper that will work for pencil, marker, paint, etc. … and I can’t stop making stuff - the ideas just keep coming.
And coming.
And coming.
And coming.
… And so that’s where I’ve been, friends. I’ve been tending to our sick little girl, trying to rest so my 42-year-old body can fight off the Elementary School germs, staying on top of my work the very best I can, and going to bed every night with paint and marker on my hands after tending to the inner child that I’ve neglected for so long.
Here are some pictures of what I’ve made. Believe it or not (I can’t!), a few people have asked about purchasing something.
WHAT.
Crazy … I am pondering the idea of continuing to create stuff this Spring and then this Summer picking 5 or 6 of my favorite pieces and putting them on canvas and then on my website for my own “Art Show” of sorts.
We’ll see what the year brings.
Love and Peace, friends.
Glenn || SUPPORT THE PODCAST