On the day I talked to Brandon I was fighting back tears for most of the day as a friend of mine from work passed away of COVID-19. He was in his 40’s with a wife and 2 young children and his life was cut short by this terrible virus. To be honest, I really didn’t want to do the recording that day. Or any day, for that matter. I didn’t know my co-worker super well and other people knew him much more than me, but I did know him.
We had spoken.
We had interacted.
We had laughed together.
… The thought that he was gone and that he left behind a family and a whole life yet to be lived. I don’t know. I just didn’t feel like doing anything.
I’m glad I forced myself to talk to Brandon, though, because the conversation reminded me that the pat answer of “God’s ways are not our ways and one day when I get to heaven I’ll see things God’s way and fully understand why he allowed my friend to die” … the conversation reminded me that that’s a stupid thing to say.
God didn’t let my friend die.
God didn’t sentence my friend to death.
Why?
Because if God did let my friend die all the while he was dripping full of the power to make him well then God is a much bigger jerk than me because I wouldn’t even let my worst enemy die if I had the power to save them.
Right?
Would you??
I mean, how can God be GOOD if God has the power to make someone well, but chooses not to?
How can we call God GOOD when he let my friend die?
How can we call God GOOD when he left my friend’s kids to grow up without a dad?
How? Because God’s ways aren’t our ways? I call BS on that. It’s an easy phrase that lets the crappiness of life off the hook way too easily AND hangs all the blame on God.
“God is sovereign.”
“God’s was are greater than our ways.”
… And so God obviously LETS people die, LETS people get sick, LETS people go through life alone, LETS people get raped, LETS people get kidnapped, LETS people get murdered because. Well. He has his reasons. It’s all HIS fault.
BUT.
Maybe God doesn’t let this stuff happens. Instead, maybe it happens because it does - because life is hard and sometimes life sucks.
People die.
People act in monstrous ways.
People get depressed.
People are violent.
People can be dangerous.
My talk with Brandon reminded me that my friend died not because God passively let him die, but because life is hard and a virus is rolling through the world at astronomical speeds. And even though life is hard and even though my friend died and even though his kids are without their daddy, God’s broken heart is with us all - mourning, grieving, exhausted, and worn out. God’s heart beats as ours beats, God’s eyes drip with tears as ours drip with tears.
We are never alone.
We are never by ourselves.
Life might be hard and God might not be able to swoop in and save the day and make everything better with a neat bow on top, but we do have the promise of God’s presence.
On some days that’s enough.
On other days it’s not nearly enough.
On most days it leaves us with tons of questions, but thank God for grace - that the Divine is gracious enough to be with us and around us and within us as we wander through this dangerous and confusing world wondering why people like my friend have to die.
I don’t know if any of that made sense, but it’s where I’m at today as I ponder my conversation with Brandon and his book, “The Wages of Grace”.
Much love.
Glenn